A month after Donald and Melania were married, one of Melania's friends noticed that Melania looked sad, and asked her if anything was wrong.
"Yes, sahmzing is naught right," said Melania. "Eet eez our sex life."
"What's wrong with your sex life?"
"All he does," said Melania, "eez stend by bed and tell me how great eez gung to be."
How many Trump staffers does it take to change a lightbulb?
"The lightbulb needs to change, I can tell you that. People are saying the lightbulb is burned out. It's a disaster, believe me, a total mess. I inherited a mess, and a burned-out lightbulb. It burned out because of Obama's weak policies, and Susan Rice putting too much light on things. But it's going to change, okay? I'm not going to tell you what I'm going to do or when, I'm going to keep you guessing, but it's going to change, believe me. It's going to change, bigly."
When Trump has a woman up to his hotel room, and he wants to set the mood, why does he put on a recording of Clare de Lune?
Because he likes to grab them by Debussy.
At a press conference, an aggressive reporter from CNN asked Trump, "What do you have to say to people who are concerned that all of your decisions are controlled by powerful special interests?"
"I will thank you," said Trump, "to leave my daughter and son-in-law out of this."